How many times have you thought about leaving an abusive relationship but felt uncertain about what might happen next? You may not feel ready or able to leave, or you may not want to leave. In any of these situations, having a safety plan can help increase your safety while you remain in the relationship, prepare to leave, or live apart from an abusive partner. Even if you never need to use every part of the plan, preparing ahead can help you think more clearly and make safer decisions during a crisis.

While living with an abusive partner, a safety plan may include identifying areas of the home with accessible exits. If a situation begins to escalate, move toward an exit and away from weapons, objects that could be used as weapons, and confined rooms, if it is safe to do so. This may include avoiding kitchens, where knives may be accessible, and bathrooms or other rooms with limited exits. Choose a trusted person to contact, create a code word that signals a need for help, and keep emergency numbers accessible. If danger is immediate, call 911.

Children can be included in planning in age-appropriate ways. They can learn how to contact emergency services, where to go during a dangerous situation, and that their responsibility is to stay safe, not to intervene between adults. A plan may also identify trusted adults who can pick them up or provide support. Children should be reminded that the violence is never their fault.

Pets are family, too, and abusive partners may threaten or harm animals as a way to maintain control. Safety planning can include identifying a trusted person, shelter, or temporary foster resource that may be able to care for a pet. Keeping vaccination records, medications, ownership documents, food, and a carrier accessible may help.

If you are preparing to leave, consider gathering identification, birth certificates, passports, immigration documents, medications, keys, money, court papers, and important telephone numbers. If it is safe, make copies of essential documents and set aside emergency money with a trusted person or in another secure place the abusive person cannot access. Avoid changes that could draw attention to your plans.

The abuser may use technology to track your location. Phones, vehicles, and shared accounts can be used to monitor someone. Before changing passwords, disabling location sharing, or removing a tracking device, consider whether the change could alert the abusive person and increase risk. When possible, use a safer device to seek information or contact support.

After separation, safety planning may continue through changes to routines, school or workplace notifications, court protections, and careful decisions about communication or custody exchanges. A plan should change as circumstances change.

No safety plan can control an abusive person’s actions or guarantee safety. Responsibility for the abuse always belongs to the person causing harm.

The Center for Empowerment and Education (CEE) can help survivors create a confidential safety plan that reflects their priorities and includes children and pets. Advocates provide options without pressure or judgment, whether someone stays, leaves, returns, or is still deciding. Call CEE’s 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline at 203-731-5206. You are not alone, and asking for support is a courageous step toward safety.