Janet Landsbury, an educator, writer, and mom, often writes about giving grace and space to the parents of young children. Inspired by the work of Magna Gerber, a well-known child development expert, Landsbury, as a young mother herself, learned through her mistakes and suggested that parents use a Take 2 method for handling common infant and toddler situations.

Everyone knows that many different incidents or accidents may make a child cry. Instead of saying “Don’t cry,” “Shhhh,” “You’re okay,” “Okay, that’s enough now,” or “It’s alright, nothing happened,” acknowledge the child’s response and the incident that caused it: “Ouch, that hurt you when you bumped into the wall.” Then allow the child all the time they need to finish crying, with your full support. Encouraging children to express their feelings is the key to fostering emotional health. No matter how unreasonable our children’s reactions seem, they need to be accepted. Remember, even adults can’t control emotional reactions, but young children are not capable of controlling the manner in which they express them.

Children often fall and, as parents, we run over to scoop them up to see if they are okay. Often a child is fine, but after witnessing our response, they begin to cry. Take a moment to observe the child’s response. If they are crying, go close and, as calmly as possible, ask if the child wants to be picked up, and acknowledge what happened and their feelings about it. When we respond frantically, we startle our children, which can make them fearful or cause them to become upset when otherwise they might have quickly recovered and continued playing. Allowing children to recover autonomously whenever they can foster self-confidence and resiliency and gives them an opportunity to try to understand what happened.

Find a new way to tell your child they are doing well instead of saying “good job.” Use phrases like “That’s beautiful” or “You are so smart!” or give them a big round of applause. If drawing or painting, ask them about the colors they are using and why. Ask your child to detail the picture they have drawn as you might believe it is one thing and your child has drawn something totally different.

Thank your child when they have done a good deed or tell them how proud you are of them. Aim to encourage your child’s intrinsic (internal) motivation rather than always looking for outside praise to accomplish a task.

If your child is struggling with a task, break it down into smaller pieces. Just as for an adult who is overwhelmed with so much to do, make a list, or break the task down into smaller, doable parts.

Instead of saying, “You can do it!” use phrases such as “I hear you getting frustrated, but you’re almost there,” or “This is hard work you’re doing!”

Next month, I will talk about addressing undesirable behaviors, sharing, and fostering language development.

Information shared from https://www.janetlansbury.com/2012/02/parent-do-overs-7-confidence-building-responses/

Anne E. Mead, Ed. D., is the administrator for the Early Childhood Education and Extended Learning Programs of the Danbury Public Schools. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact her at 203-830-6508 or meadan@danbury.k12. ct.us.