For the past few weeks, I have been thinking about why I already know so many things and do not apply them to my life. I have thought about books and articles I have read, documentaries I have watched, trainings I have done. 

For the past fifteen years, I have consciously chosen to expand my horizons, to challenge myself, to be comfortable with not knowing things. This has brought to my attention how we are always looking for a shiny new object.
In truth, we have read all the “how-tos.” You and I know what it takes to be in shape, to eat healthier, to sleep better, etc. So why are we not doing it? What are the things that prevent us from taking the first step, and then the second, and so on?

Could it be that we have grown so accustomed to complaining about our extra weight, the lack of proper sleep and rest, or whatever racket is constantly present in our daily lives? Do we really want to slow down and not work too much? Are we truly willing to do what it takes to cut down on the sugar we consume? What are we going to complain about if we actually achieve that goal? Are we going to have to let go of our old ways of thinking and relating to others?

Browse social media and see how humans love to complain and catastrophize about everything. We absolutely revel in it: the conflict, the misery, the antagonistic nature of it all.  

Fear works. It keeps us in line. It makes us accept the unacceptable, deny incontestable truths, live in a parallel reality and defend it tooth and nail. Coming from that fear-based mentality, we gladly fool ourselves by thinking: “This book is the one that will turn my life around”; “This new relationship will finally heal me and make me forget about the previous bad ones”; “Once I have a child my life will have meaning.” The ego has a way of telling us that once we hit an arbitrary milestone our lives will be complete, we will be happy, every day will be light and breezy, we will have “made it.”

The question is: Who dictates such milestones? Are they found in some instruction manual? Or are we blindly following traditions that have outlived their expiration dates? What are we not paying attention to? Have we asked ourselves the difficult, uncomfortable questions? Or are we so ready to be distracted by the noise as to not look inward? 

Being vulnerable is not cozy, so we choose to sell a fictitious image of being in control. “Look at me and my perfect life. Are you jealous yet?” Who are we looking to impress? Who is not capable of seeing through that façade?

Until we choose to confront the things that get in the way, we will remain in limbo – that place where we see the possibilities right in front of us, and yet the fear of letting go is still too great that we cannot overcome such an obstacle. I have not heard of anyone who has truly embraced themselves and at the same time not given up on the idea of how their lives were supposed to be.

Until you are ready to do the work, to investigate your fears and heal your traumas, do not go around announcing to the world how you want to change your body, your habits, your life. Stop looking externally, stop collecting how-tos, stop following that guru on social media. This article’s title is misleading on purpose. You already know what to do. It is an inside job. And the first step is looking in. Do not deceive yourself otherwise. You are smarter than that. Be true.

Eric Faria is a life coach who helps people hiding behind perfectionism. He produces and hosts the TV Show I AM with Eric Faria, available on YouTube. The show is also a podcast on multiple streaming platforms, including Apple Podcasts and SoundCloud. Send him an email via ericfaria@icloud.com.